I Deserve a Medal

 

We know that this pandemic requires us to limit our activity, limit our contact with people, wash our hands, and wear a mask.

I am a lazy introverted retired person who has followed these instructions to the letter and I deserve a medal for my efforts.

I try not to do anything other than watch TV, play around on the computer, eat and sleep.  Today, I watched the live feeds of the Northern Ireland Snooker championship and a Darts tournament on DAZN.  Other heroic deeds are my subscriptions to many paid streaming channels and watching the complete Borat 2 movie on Amazon Prime.  I  can also verify that the firmware is up to date on every electronic device that I own.

As an introvert, my interactions with people are usually brief.  I was never one for the hugs, small talk, and hanging around chatting.  In the last week, the only person in close proximity to me is my wife.  However, due to my regular intake of Metamucil and its gaseous effects, she may move out soon leaving me totally alone.

My new Apple Watch times my hand washings, which are frequent and at least 20 seconds long.  It does bug me a bit that my watch knows what I am doing with my hands at all times.

I wear a mask when indoors with people other than my wife.  I also contribute to mask wearing by glaring viciously at anyone not wearing a mask properly.  

I will be writing to the Governor General proposing a medal for all of us couch potatoes who are sacrificing during this pandemic.  Something like the "Award in Recognition of Heroic Feats of Laziness and Inactivity During the Pandemic".  The medal should feature a couch, a TV, a bag of chips, and a remote control along with the requisite Canadian symbols like the Maple Leaf.  No beavers allowed on this medal as it sends the wrong message.