Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Active Shooter Incident Training

Just to show you how crazy things are getting, my previous workplace started mandatory training on what to do if there is an "active shooter" at work (mass shooting disaster).  I was unfortunately not able to attend this course.  Presumably this covered:
  • Should you scream or keep quiet?
  • If you recognize the shooter, should you say hello or act like you have amnesia?
  • Is it best to hide in the womens or mens toilet?  Are state toilet laws waived when someone is trying to shoot you or must transgender men without a sex change go to the mens room?
  • How to identify "bad guys" (criminals with guns) and "good guys" (civilians with guns).  Both will be shooting randomly, how can you tell which way to run?
  • If your life passes before your eyes, how can you shorten it up to just the good parts?
  • Should you direct the shooter(s) towards executives and higher paid employees or lower paid employees if asked?
  • Can consultants bill for time when they are locked down awaiting death or help?
  • Are wounds considered on the job injuries?  As a self employed consultant with a gunshot wound, can you get workman's compensation?
  • How to say "Please Don't Kill Me!" in all languages
And yes, the training is real and serious but the rest is humour.

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