Friday, August 8, 2014

How to be A Better Husband With No Effort

My father shared with me one of the secrets for getting your wife to believe you are a better husband.  My friends and I have tried this technique and it really works.  There is no effort involved.

First, you need to identify one or two married men who are known to your wife and who are considered to be "bad husbands".  Perhaps they are lazy, arrogant, argue a lot, drink too much, or have some other non-criminal bad characteristic.  These men must be well known to your wife, and it is even better if your wife is friends with their wife.  Don't pick someone who is getting divorced because they are useless for comparison purposes.  Virtually all ex-wives think their ex-husbands were bad spouses.

Second, you need to make sure to bring up these bad husbands and their faults in casual conversation to bring them to your wife's attention.  Something like "..Honey, I fixed the loose boards on the deck, is Bad-Husband's daughter out of the hospital yet after falling through the rotten boards on their deck?.."  Don't feel bad about throwing them under the bus, they probably deserve it and your wife lives with you, not with them, so no harm, no foul.

The comparison between you and your minor flaws and these "bad husbands" will make you look like a shining star in the Husband Constellation.

Here are two examples of my father's chosen bad husbands:

Mr. C: He had 5 kids, but said he only wanted the first 2, so he did not support the other 3.  He really did not support any of them, because he hardly ever had a job, except for being a ski-touring guide occasionally.  His wife worked two teaching jobs to support this big family.  He often went on solo vacations.  He was a primo bad husband.

Mr W: He was too cheap to buy a car but would make his wife drive him around as she needed a car due to her terrible arthritis.  As a cheapo, he would also water down the vodka at his parties.  He also tended to blurt out whatever came into his head, even if it was downright insulting.  Not a perfect bad husband, but good enough.

So I encourage you to try this well proven method, and, it goes without saying, don't tell your wife about this.  Keep it quiet and pass it on to your sons when they get married.  They will thank you.


2 comments:

  1. Ha ha! Little do you know I have been using this technique on my husband for years! " Hey honey have you noticed that Mary gets in those really bad moods and argues with Joe in front of everyone, have you noticed that Sally never lets Bob go to the ballgame ..... on and on." You are right it works. LOL Are you sure you have not been persuaded by this proven method yourself? Cheers!

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  2. I have a complicated situation with my wife, who's the youngest of ten brothers and sisters; seven sisters, all married. So seven husbands always there for comparison purposes!
    The oldest one, I like her a lot, like a second mama in law. Her husband is nice, likes cooking, making decorations in Christmas, a little sissy if I may add (gets scared with earthquakes, bugs, etc.)... not a real competition. I think my wife doesn't mind my cave man manners as long as I take care of stink bugs and cockroaches in the house.
    The second one, brother in law is very tender, handsome and loving, so much that he managed to have other children from an extramarital relationship. Today he's old and calm, but I think his past doesn't play well with my wife.
    The third one has a workaholic for a husband (that's a hard one to beat), brings good income to the house, etc. I can only take advantage of him constantly forgetting anniversary days, mothers' days, etc., so all I have to do is have my calendar up to date.
    The forth one is a prick if you forgive my language so undoubtedly I have a clear path of success with my wife.
    The fifth one is actually a good guy; hard working, loving, sensible... all those things that my wife (and most women) appreciates. Only aspect where I can compete is income. He's not that ambitious in life, but neither is my sister in law so they are good and happy. I know that my wife cares a lot about good education, piano lessons, going to the theater, having a good vacation once a year, subscriptions to National Geographic and Scientific American, etc., and for all that I think she appreciates my professional career and goals, and income.
    Finally there is the toughest of all; hard working as well, no questions about his manhood, reasonably good income, tender manners with the wife, etc. AND HE DANCES!!! That I can't beat
    Epilogue: Curiously of all my sisters in law, the one with the dancing king doesn't like to dance at all, so in family parties my wife has a dancing partner while I can have a quality chat with my sister in law.

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